My sweet Tyndale would be three years old today. I've tried to post another picture of her, but my computer won't let me. Strange. I suppose the few pictures we have should just be for us. I constantly contemplate God's purpose in allowing her death. Today I had a thought about that. God has revealed to me how impatient I am. Three years ago I would've said that is one of my best qualities. But Avery has tested my patience, and I have failed more than I have been victorious. Pretty much the only thing that keeps me in check is Tyndale. I think about her and how much better it is to have a screaming, temper-tantrum throwing toddler than no toddler at all. Thoughts of Tyndale inspire me to spend quality time with Avery...to engage her and to love her. I wouldn't be the same mom to Avery were it not for Tyndale's passing. I really wonder how different Avery would be if Tyndale were here too. Avery loves to be around older kids. I desperately wish she had her big sister here.
I was wide awake last night when Reagan woke up for his 2:00 am feeding. Normally it is like sleep walking when I nurse him, but I took a little extra time to hold him and rock him last night. Tyndale was born at 1:46 am and it just felt sweet to hold little Reagan and feel his heart beat against my chest so close to that time.
This year is not nearly as hard as last year was. I guess every year it will get easier. My broken heart has been mended by the drugs called Avery and Reagan. I really don't feel like my family is complete. It will probably always feel incomplete until we reunite with her in Heaven. What a great day that will be!
I love you, Tyndale. Happy Birthday!
7 comments:
What a solemn reminder for all of us frazzled moms. I'm thankful that while I never met Tyndale, I have gotten to know her sweet Mama and siblings! Blessings to you!
Tyndale, know that you and your family have a very special place in the hearts of the Lewis family. We love you all!
I just adore you Shelly.... your heart is so precious to me and when you are sad I am too... I am sad with you.
Tyndale - You will forever be the one baby that after I see Jesus I will run to find you... I can't wait to hold you... but I do know that you are rejoicing with HIM right this very moment.
Hey Shelly. I wish you would have said something yesterday, but I can completely understand why you didn't. You are an amazing wife, mother and friend and I feel so blessed that we have reconnected. You amaze me how you have found such joy in such sorrow.
I cannot believe it has been 3 years, I often wonder the same-how it would be with Tyndale and Kindle. I miss her too!
But, how great is our GOD! How wonderful that we have the hope of heaven and what a huge sacrifice it was for Jesus to die on the cross (God's ONLY son-wow). I am thankful that we will get to see her someday-love you all!
Awesome post. It is truly inspiring to hear words like these when I am running on empty. We miss her dearly, but she has affected so many lives. Thank you for sharing. Love you all.
This is such a sweet post. Thank you for sharing about your precious girl.
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